Hi Chris,

The copy is good.

But you need to make your visitors stick to your
sales copy for a longer time.

You could present some neat and attractive graphics
including header images, report covers and I'd suggest
you to move the video just under the headline.

The video would actually be your indirect marketing agent.
and make sure to see to it that, the background music
does not have an impact upon your voice.

There are actually 2 layout's you could follow for a squeeze page,
let me know if you're interested and i'll post some links
right here.

Regards,
Venkata Ramana
http://www.FlashMarketingVideos.com/
http://www.OutSourceYourWork.com/