Please Critique My Website

[Richard Trice]

Hello Guys

First Mike, thanks for such and informative and useful community. Secondly I would like to thank everyone for their outstanding advise.

I am posting at this time to request that you guys please look at my latest web site and critique my sales letter. I would truly appreciate it as I wish for it to be able to convert well.

http://www.empire-in-a-box.com

Thanks

Richard

[Idris Arkette]

Hello,

I would like to provide my first impressions in the form of thoughts...

"Why does that pic of Sam Khan look amateur-ish?"
"Why are all the words in bold?"
"What does Prong mean?"
"Steve pohlit looks really professional"
"I like the phrase Fort Knox, sounds secure"
"Hmm the buy button looks really nice, I think I'll click it"
"Why can't I click the buy button?"
"Why does it say 'Done but with errors on page' on my browser"
"Wow, $16.97 is really low, I really don't mind signing up"

Honest to goodness, it seems to me like another one
of those good websites you sometimes see online. It
looks like you gave it a lot of effort to get it off the ground.

There is one point though, I don't recognise anyone of
those people who gave you testimonials.

I hope this was helpful to you.
Idris Arkette

[stephen glazer]

Just a quick note - you say:

"I will try not to bore you with a long drawn-out salesletter"

Bad idea to use the word salesletter in a sales letter. A sales letter is supposed to come off as a personal letter from one person to another. You are just going to get the guard up.

[Joe22]

Too many fonts being used. Looks like you use arial, times, then you have bold, large, red. I dont know where to start reading first.