First let me say that I encourage you to keep working at your ideas and never give up. Every marketer has their share of setbacks and learning experiences, if you learn from them instead of getting discouraged you can only get better.
The first thing that strikes me is it doesn't seem like English is your first language. There are some phrases you use that would pass a spell checker but wouldn't pass the average reader:
...chit chatter... (just 'chatter')
...through adsense but non of them... (but none of them)
...Now keep I this was around... (Now keep this in mind, it was around the time I)
...as a quick means to gain a dollar... (as a way to get a quick buck OR as a quick means to get a buck)
...schedule that was hell to upkeep... (schedule that was hell to keep up with)
Then there are some obvious spelling issues:
...called Mass ppv Traffic wa s a... (called Mass PPV Traffic was a) - always cap PPV
...I thought it was a goo product... (I thought it was a good product)
Then the fonts don't look so good. That bold black font you use beneath the images is almost too blurry. I think you're trying to put too much content in, so you made it bold to get it to stand out then had to shrink it down to not look like it was too much.
These are all just first impressions. Remember, you've got 15 seconds to capture someone and either get them to opt-in or they are moving on. When people see common language errors like those above they think "if this is what he did with his sales page, I don't want to find out what he did with the product".
There are some other things to do as well, like put an opt-in form in the top right corner - don't make someone wade through all that sales text to just click a link. You'll lose them. If they see the opt-in form, as they scroll down they remember it - at the point where they say "hmm, this is something I want to investigate" they will scroll up and key their info in. If they have to hunt for the form you will lose A LOT, if they have to click a link to go to another page to opt in, you will lose even more. I heard a long time ago (maybe someone can give some up to date stats) that for every click they have to go through you lose half your visitors.
I hope you don't take me as just being overly critical. You asked for help, so I'm giving it. I'm not good with copy myself, I'd rather have someone else write it.
It kinda strikes me as odd that the product you're selling taught you how to write a landing page, then this is the landing page you're writing. It doesn't speak well for the product.
I'm not one of the big boys, I'm not here just to knock you down so I can feel good. You probably won't get any feedback from the big boys, they won't waste their time commenting on your site.
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